HAVE YOU EVER LOOKED IN THE BACK OF THE BOOK FOR ANSWERS? 

SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T......

As an intro, I'm going to bring up those ever painful memories of doing homework.  Oh, boy. Wasn't it great when we could find answers to every odd numbered question in the back of the book?  Torture being made easier gave us hope, which was probably false hope, but still, some hope to hold on to. 

Everybody has times in their life when the answers would be awesome to have, but even if they were available, they were written in code. 

Without fail, something you can do to bring on such trials is to do what I've done far too many times to make sense of it; Pray for patience.  Why would one want to do this?  Something about becoming a better person is the only common theme that I can remember when making this choice.  Once it's done, there is no going back, you just have to take whatever comes. 

Recently, I once again asked for Heavenly Father to teach me to have more patience. It's like he sits in heaven waiting for us to ask, because these prayers seem to be answered faster than any other prayer.  This time its really got me grasping at straws.  I've really done myself in.  Now I want to take back that prayer, but even if I could, I obviously needed to work on myself, so I wouldn't take it back anyway.

And so it goes. As an answer to my prayer, I find myself in a situation that I've never been in before.  I have no idea what formula to follow, no idea of what the final outcome will be, and no clue of what the lesson to be learned will provide.  Oddly enough, I do know how to show my work while solving these problems, which ought to make my old teachers happy for me. 

The worst part of it right now is that I'm slowly finding out that many of the issues that I now face are my own fault.  What's up with that?  It's like I'm being told to turn the other cheek multiple times, but if that's what I'm supposed to do, then I'll keep doing it.  I have already hit rock bottom.  I have had thoughts and feelings that were unknown to me previously, and almost done some very stupid things.  Prayer and support have been vital to my overall health and strength. 

THIS IS WHERE THE HEAVY METAL COMES IN....

Tim Lambesis (As I Lay Dying), one of my heroes, gave us some insight.  "It seems our problems solve themselves, when we look beyond us, to those truly in hell."  I've tried to incorporate this thought, and it helps.  Even though this is probably the toughest trial overall that I've had the pleasure of having, doing things for others seems to ease the pain.  Doing work in the LDS temples is probably the most spiritual way to serve others.  Simply doing the extra kind thing for my family is doing a lot for me as well.  It's not so hard to do the latter, because I love them unconditionally.  If they happen to read this, I hope they hear it and know it once again. 

Sometimes we resemble a heavy metal ballad, even without knowing that we do.  We (usually our intentions) can be misunderstood, like the music that I listen to.  The words are not always heard clearly until we've heard them many times in repetition.  There is a lot of noise that is making it even harder to focus on the message.  In our lives, we have to repeat ourselves a lot when trying to convey feelings to others, and there are many distractions.  Just like a song, each person will take what is being said differently. 

There is a song by Born Of Osiris called "Singularity."  It is an extremely heavy, loud, and chaotic sounding song.  At the same time, I hear more passion in that song than so many others that I've heard.  With somebody that is not talented in the art of metal-listening, they would probably get a headache and not feel positive after hearing it.  Does that mean that the person who wrote it is unsuccessful as a musician?  That depends on their reason for writing it.  If it was written for themselves (which in this case is apparent to me), then they succeeded quite well. 

THE LESSON....

As long as we are doing what we know we should be doing, we are showing our work.  Even if we don't know the formula, the answer, or our learning objective, we will gain much.  Keeping the commandments, praying, going to the temple to do work for the dead, and shifting focus away from myself are the ways that I'm dealing with my trial.  Will it work out for me in the end?  I don't know that right now, but I'll do my best to show my work, that way when it's all said and done, I'll be able to learn whatever I needed to. 

If only I had the strength (musically or spiritually) of the band For Today, I'd be better off.  The lyrics to a song on their new album, Immortal, are encouraging and instructional:

For Today - Fearless

"We will not
We will not
We will not be afraid
WE ARE FEARLESS!!!!.....

I can feel the courage rising in the hearts of the sons of God,
I can feel a fire burning, across the Earth we stand as one.

Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
We will fear no evil, for we know that you are near.

We will not
We will not
We will not be afraid
WE ARE FEARLESS!!!!
SO LET THE DEVIL COME"

I guess that is why I prayed for patience. So that I can have that kind of strength.  I hope it works, but for now, it's kicking my butt :(

Fine....since you asked me nicely

I was challenged by some friends to write a blog post that was not about heavy metal. I wasn't big on the idea, but I am going to give it a shot.

This might actually be easier than I thought because in the last couple of days, my time listening to metal has been cut down drastically (thanks to my headphones taking a dump). I usually go to sleep listening to something nice and heavy, as if it weighs down my eyelids. All I have for a backup plan are some really crappy headphones that sound absolutely atrocious, so I've only been listening to clips from the Radio From Hell morning show from X96.

I have actually had a lot of time to re-focus, if you will, on the pre-metalhead Devon. I have been listening to a lot of alternative, classic rock, and oldies. I still love all of the other music that I used to listen to, but I've noticed that I've been very sluggish the last few days. It probably has nothing to do with the music that I have or have not been listening to.

SHIFTING GEARS.....

I've had a few experiences in the past weeks that have helped me feel my worth, and also the importance of my duties as a husband, father, and friend. In some of my previous posts, I've stressed the importance of relying on others. WE CANNOT LIVE LIFE ALONE. Isolation can lead to a lot of negatives:

- Decrease in social skills
- Increase in selfishness
- Loss of self standards
- Bad habits

I could keep going with that list, but you get the point. Nothing feels better than helping someone when they need it. Whether its a friend, family member, or stranger, when we do something good, we are serving the Lord. That is why we're here.

Imagine a man. We'll call him George. George is a decent fella. He has a family, a job, and hobbies. He is happy most of the time, and isn't a jerk to people. However, we ask George when the last time he helped somebody with a problem (a real problem, not like a scratching someones back for them). He can't remember, he thinks maybe 2 years ago. Then we ask him how many chances he's passed up to really help someone. He stands in silence. No answer. We all know that he had a lot of chances, but usually made some excuse (no time, I don't know the person, someone else will do it).

Seriously, come on. If you were in a tough spot and wanted/needed help, what happens when all of the George's in this world leave you hanging. What goes around comes around. We heard in LDS General Conference a few weeks ago that you can't "give yourself poor." To clarify, no matter what, if you give, give, and give some more, you are not going to end up poor. You are only going to be blessed with many gifts, and you will become more loving and caring.

When we are standing in front of the Lord to be judged, we probably don't want to be struck with silence when asked why we didn't help others. There are a lot of scriptures pertaining to this very principle. My two favorites are both in Matthew.

Matthew 22:37-39 "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."

Matthew 25:40 "And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

Can't argue with that.....Wouldn't dare to.

Not Alone, Not To Worry

I have had somewhat of a bad day. Not so much a bad day emotionally, but physically. I cut the top of my left foot on a piece of broken glass, my right knee is really wrenching, and to top it all off, I stepped on the plug-in piece of Brody's night light (freakin' hurts). I'm surprised that it pierced the bottom of my foot the way that it did :(

Shift Gears. Subject: ALL THAT REMAINS.

How have I not blogged about one of the first bands that brought me to Metal? My radar must have been broken. The very first song that made me believe in such a thing as Christian Metal will always be one of my favorites. The title of the song is "The Air That I Breathe." This song was so powerful to me because it made me feel like I wasn't alone, and that I have the strength to overcome temptation at all times. Proof lies beneath :

"I will not relent no, no
Never live with defeat, never falter
This like the air that I breathe
I will not choke on failure

I am a mortal man
But I'm not fallen
I'm not broken
I am a mortal man, But I'll
Hold tight to my beliefs

I have suffered defeat, pain, loss
Still I push to the edge, never falter
For this cement my beliefs
I'll will not choke on failure

I will not relent"

I used to sit in church and write these lyrics in a notebook. I love the idea that I am strong enough to do the things I know I should, and not do the things I know I shouldn't.

Coincidentally, there is a song on the same album called "Not Alone." In that song, the chorus says "I'm not alone, with the touch of your hand, I am whole again." That song always made me feel really lucky to be married to such an amazing woman. When I have a really bad headache, just having her hand on my head makes me feel better. I take this song quite literally.

So, I finally got the new album called "For We Are Many..." It's a little heavier, like their older music, but I'm not complaining (I just bang my head harder in the car!!!) There just so happens to be a song on there about strength in numbers, kind of like the album title indicates. The song is called "Keepers Of Fellow Man," and here is why I love it:

"Through the years I have come to realize
That the truth is often right before our eyes
We are aware and know the hearts of fellow man
So let us act as such, and help our brothers to stand

And now we offer this small bit of wisdom
The heart it came from will set you on your way

Ignorance will crush us, destroy all that we have
So let us rejoice that, the powers in our hands
To shape us and make us keepers of fellow man
So let us rejoice that the powers in our hands

Let us find strength in our neighbors' hands

WE ARE NOT CREATURES MADE TO BE ALONE
AND WHEN WE ACT AS SUCH, WE HELP OUR BROTHERS TO STAND!!"

WOW!!!! Great stuff, I know, you don't have to tell me. The song closes with a very bluntly put "It is time to address the fact that alone none of us can survive" I believe that with all my heart. We are not made to be alone. If we were, we wouldn't be born to parents, we would be self-reliant from birth, and we would deny God, which some people do anyways.

I have never had a hard time putting my trust in people. I have even trusted people I wasn't close to with things that I shouldn't have, but arrest me for believing in goodwill. I have been watching a show on the BIO channel lately called "I Survived." If you have not seen it before, the victims of natural disasters, dangerous situations, and victims of violent crimes tell their stories and how they survived these horrible situations. It has really opened my eyes to the fact that people are worse than we sometimes see. It seems that half of the stories are women who were raped, beaten, and left for dead. This breaks my heart. So many of the people telling the stories end by saying things like, "You never know who you can trust," or "You wouldn't think people are capable of doing things like this."

In a world that is headed toward destruction, please be good to your fellow man. What will it hurt. If you are religious, you probably know that you will be judged by God for your actions, and if you aren't religious, what's the worst that could happen, you and the people around you will be happier? Well, that just sounds awful, doesn't it?

I love the people in my life, so if you are one of them, Congrats on being loved. Please love me back. I thank my Father in Heaven for placing you in my life, and usually at times when I need you the most. I will never question the love that I have been shown. I will try to be as forgiving as possible, because I'm commanded to and because it's healing.

For you sucky people, I hope you find what you are looking for. I don't believe in Karma, but I do believe that lies and bad attitudes come back to bite you. Good luck getting over it alone. Start loving people like you know you should.